A Whirled Yarn

Damn the Victorians...

{Thank you to all who inquired about my week long disappearance.  I have a good excuse...I was kidnapped by Sunflower Electric Corporation and thrown into a dank dungeon.  I only escaped by lulling my guards into a stupor by singing Kumbiyah 10,0000 times. Okay, not really...but admit it, I had you going for awhile...}

Oh sure, everyone just loves Victorian architecture....the fancy rails, the turrets, the scroll work...

Just beautiful...until you have to paint it...

And paint it...

and paint it...

Mind you, I'm about 18ft up in the air...well, okay, maybe 12ft.  But it's like a humid day...no matter the actual measurement, you're really as high as you feel...

Our little shop used to be a quiet, pale yellow with faded green and red trim.  We were quite overwhelmed by the large, historic theater to the south and a beauty salon (Glitz'nGlamour!) with Wildcat Purple flower boxes and excessively grease painted windows (Jelly Nails for Mom only 8.99!) to our north.  (What the hey are Jelly Nails!?!)

Now, thanks to my persistent, if not professional paint job, we stick out like a sore thumb...

You won't be able to miss us!

It's b-a-c-k!!!!

This is a lovely picture of the belching coal towers of the Jeffery Energy Center that both pollute my air and power my home...

Yes, I am back to the whole coal-fired power plant thing.  Our, thankfully enlightened, goddess of a governor continues to veto all the stupid legislature's stupid legislation.  However, last night the house just missed over-riding the veto by four votes!  FOUR!  So please, stop by here, and use the handy form to send those four legislators an email congratulating them on their good judgment and encourage them to stand strong.  So what if your not from Kansas?  If our state wins against big business coal, your's has a better chance too.  While you're at it you can remind your Kansas legislator what an idiot they are ...if they're not one of the good guys. 

Come on, we can win...and won't that feel awesome... It's like the power of the people, man!  Make love not war!

Peace.

And the Pulitzer goes to...

First, in the poetry category...

   

If cats ate cold pizza and drank hot coffee.

If cats ate cold pizza and drank hot coffee,

They would also drive SUVs.

The price of clay would be through the roof. Gas, too.

They would shop at Target and drive a third world market for fuzzy toys on suction-cupped plastic rods

Made by kittens.

They would plow up fields to build acres of kitty condos

(each three stories high and carpeted on the outside).

The world would be their litterbox. 

~ the AMP

So this answers the burning question about what the Absent-Minded Professor does while waiting to give lectures at Continuing Ed meetings.

Also in contention for this year's Pulitzer Prize... in the non-fiction category... is this little work in progress whose title caught my eye on our computer's Word file directory....

Beware, all mothers of fourth grade boys, there apparently is a manual in the works...

Is this Heaven?

No, it's yarn school!!!!!

I was teaching and talking and eating all weekend at Yarn School.  It is the best time.  So much fiber, so much yarn, so many spinning wheels...it's where I want to spend eternity...especially if Nikol will be cooking.

If you were wondering where yarn school was held...it's here...

And that is pretty much the town.  It is about an hour away from me and the drive is beautiful.  In fact I saw lots of Kansas wildlife along the way.

Turkeys being all sexy...

A herd of buffalo at home on the range...

Dinner on the hoof...

Dinner taking a nap...

Umm...dinner lost on the wrong side of the Atlantic?

Honestly, how could you be expected to eat something so cute and fuzzy?  I swear he (she?) only stands about 4 ft high.  This is a prime example of why I am only an Insteader, not a Homesteader.  (Carnivorism according to Jen...only eat the big, ugly ones.)

And I'm pretty sure I found one of the Billy Goats Gruff...

I think he might be the smallest (trip-trot, trip-trot, trip-trot...)  So, if you're needing any troll busting, he lives right in downtown Auburn, KS.

I also discovered my dream house...

(It doesn't really lean dramatically to the right...)  Picket fence, flock of sheep, daffodils in the spring....it would be perfect...

What?  You want to see pictures of Yarn School?  The wheels, the fiber, the fun?  Yah, I didn't actually take any of that...

Men just don't understand...

Me:  Honey, I just got a pair of sheep shoes!

Absent-minded Prof:  I hope you got a pair of cheap shoes.  We're not made of money you know!

Me:  No Honey, I got SHEEP shoes, SHEEP shoes. Look!

AMP:  Those are some of the most ridiculous shoes I've ever seen!  How much did you pay for those anyways?

Me:  Oh,...um,...like I said, they were cheap shoes, CHEAP shoes...Is that the fire dectector?  Dinner must be done... gotta go!

Undeniable Proof

Okay, it may have been a high of 45F two days ago, but I know spring is here.  How, you may ask?  Well, let me tell 'ya...

First, my boots are muddy...

...and chewed on by the rabbit.  (But he does that no matter what the season, so it really doesn't count).

Second, the forsythia, that will some day consume our house, is blooming.  Now you have to look quick because all the blossoms are blown off by the constant, driving, prairie winds in about two hours.

Here is a close up of the lovely, little flowers...

What's that?  Oh, you mean you noticed the giant bag of Jacob wool?  Now how did that get in those pictures?  But since you mentioned it...I scored a 10lb bag of Jacob wool! I got Jacob wool, uh huh, oh yah!  It's even very soft.  I desperately needed this because I only sent off a measly 45lbs to the processor last week.  So...you know...I needed more.

Don"t you?

Why we should shutter our windows...

The moths in Kansas are H-U-G-E!

Beauty and some Beasts...

Exciting and fun new things have been showing up around here everyday. 

How much fun is a brand new S10...

And this sweet little Victoria...she even has her own little suitcase she folds up into.  Just the thing for those spinning sleep-overs (you laugh...but how much fun would that be!) ...

And this is a brand new Wheel called the Mach I.  It treadles a whole new way and is incredibly smooth...like buttah.

And these...Ack!  They take me by surprise every time...

Our newest addition to our farm...Guinea fowl.  Besides being hideous ugly,... (don't you just love the horn on the top of the head, sort of Teenage Mutant Ninja Chickens...heavy on the mutant)...and completely wild, they make a noise like finger nails on a blackboard (except about 500 times louder).  Why bring such creatures to our little Instead homestead of happiness?

Because this is their favorite meal...

And besides being even uglier and less cuddly than a Guinea...they suck blood.

So, chow down Guinea fowl.  Every day this summer, that I don't have to pull a tick off the tender parts of a 10 year-old boy, I will be very grateful for your unattractive existence...

It's a lot like my house...

It's made of sticks and mud (okay, for those purists ours is technically plaster and lathe). A good stiff wind would probably blow it over.  And it's got wool sticking out everywhere...

Black sheep, black sheep, what #@$% happened to you?

Remember how I impressed you last week with a hideous naked sheep picture...did you really think I would allow shearing day to come and go with out a blow by account of the whole thing?  Sorry, no such luck for you!

My absolutely faithful and loyal readers (which may only be my husband...) may recall how last year we here at Settlers Farm were determined to shear the little buggers ourselves.  After all, who would want to pay a hefty $5 (!?!) a head when you have two able-bodied adults to sling sheep and numerous children capable of running about like border collies?  Armed with my thrifty ebay sheep shearers, we cornered the first sheep (I think it was poor Violet).  I squeezed a rope halter (upside down, the poor thing) over her face as the Absent-minded Prof readied the shearers ...which look like dog clippers on steroids... and are completely capable of slicing off an ear (both your's and the sheep's with one good blow). 

They didn't work.

Not to be thwarted...we did what any sensible Insteader (translation: homesteader wannabe) would do.

We got out the sewing scissors...

This is about three hours per sheep later.  The coats are to hide their shame...

This year we found Danny...

And we are NEVER, ever, letting him go...

This poor man spends all his working hours bent in half.  And he wields those massive shearers with the finesse of a gun-slinger from an old western.  Each sheep took him 15 minutes...maybe.

And the results look like this...

I love him.

The Absent-minded Prof took this picture to prove I don't need a skirting table.

I think it proves exactly the opposite.  Thankfully I thought ahead and wore a long shirt to prevent skirter's butt.

This is what happens when you look like a woolly pig...but act like a woolly grasshopper...

Sad, but just imagine what he would look like if I had to attack him with the fiskars.

Here they are, naked and so proud of their contribution to my fiber insanity...

Okay, maybe they are just begging for cookies. 

You know how the goats spend their days hogging the hay and slamming into the poor sheep with those stupid horns?

Karma baby, karma...